Self-Discipline Plus Self-Kindness

I read something recently that got me, once again, thinking about self-discipline, what it means, and how it is often misunderstood. Often, in our endeavour to be disciplined, we confuse being hard and tough on ourselves with discipline, but the two are not the same. Deprivation is not discipline, nor is emotional, psychological or even physical ‘self-flagellation.’ It is possible to be disciplined while still having compassion for oneself.

Self-discipline results from the ability to make, and carry out, choices that are right and necessary to achieve our desired goals, rather than to run with what is enjoyable or pleasurable. In fact, extreme and unbalanced self-discipline can be considered a form of self-indulgence.

Self-discipline needs to be tempered with ‘self-kindness’ in order to create a healthy balance.

No, self-discipline needs to be tempered with ‘self-kindness’ in order to create a healthy balance and achieve the positive results that we are hoping to attain. There is an injunction that ‘we should love others as we love ourselves,’ the implication being that unless we show ourselves some love we will not be able to love others.

Self-discipline and self-kindness are not opposed, and, in fact, work hand in hand to achieve the ultimate success we are looking for. And, most importantly, adding a little self-kindness to the mix prevents the situation where our harsh, self-disciplined lifestyle becomes a burden to those around us. Surely, the ultimate definition of success should be success in all facets of life, not just in one, at the expense of all the others.

At the end of the day, yes, we do need to apply discipline to ourselves and our lives, but as we do that, let’s not forget to show ourselves some kindness, too.